Since the inception of this website Ive had increasing numbers of self-proclaimed AntiSoccermoms approach me with their stories. It is fantastic to meet like minded people and I would like to encourage you to tell your own story, if not on your own blog, than here on this one. Feel free to write me and let me know how you are being an AntiSoccermom.

 The 6 Steps to being an AntiSoccermom

6. Wear the badge of mommyhood with honor, ditch the mom-jeans. 

A combination of sleep deprivation and a lack of anything freedom-related led me to believe as a young mother it was okay to wear sweatpants to the store despite the breast-milk stains and baby puke. The ability to care for an ill-tempered tiny person overcame the ability to care for myself and I found that little would calm my tanking self-esteem like a good shopping spree and the occassional massage. Just because you are a mom, doesnt mean you have to look like one. Ditch the mom-jeans and spend a little time doing something you love. It makes you a happier, healthier and ultimately a more awesome mom.

5. Who Cares what they think?

If I had to choose to free climb Mt. Everest or spend half an hour with the moms from my kids PTA, I bet you can guess where I’d rather put my energy. Moms, especially in packs, can be an incredibley cruel and daunting experience to undertake and I avoid it at all costs. There is an ugly unspoken mob mentality between soccermoms and antisoccermoms, akin to the highschool cliques of cheerleader vs. drama geek. Much like highschool, the best thing to do is to ignore these condescending "super moms." They will sneer at everything from your choice of coffee to what your children are wearing, their homes are often spotless and their outfits spectacularly in style. They will have the latest hair styles and the nicest SUV’s but their husbands never make it to school functions and they are always flirting with the new PE teacher. Like Wyclef says, Dont believe the hype. There is no such thing as a perfect mom and you don’t have to try to be one. If you can’t shake off their negativity, do what I do and justify their perfection as a clear lack of sexual satisfaction in their lonely and desolate lives. It makes the drama easier to swallow, but Id still take that 8,850 meter trek through the icey wilderness.

4. Despite common practice, Let logic rule.

No one can see through bullshit faster than a pre-teen. Don’t believe me? Lie to a child and see how quickly they call you on it. Instead of sugar-coating this ugly world for your perfect little angel, why not introduce them to a little place called reality? They dont need to win every game of UNO to build their precious self-esteem, in fact, coddling them that way just results in an adult that no one can please. AntiSoccermoms raise their children with honesty. My kids know they get the real deal when they ask questions and because of that they aren’t standing with their little paws out waiting for their golden ticket in life. Be truthful with your kiddos, they know it when you aren’t.

3. So what if he’s acting like a child?

Everyone in the house takes turn acting like a two year old, even the two year old. Problem is, all kids want to grow up faster than they should. Why not allow them to actually retain their priceless sense of childhood wonderment? Embrace the mental age of your children and allow them to spread their little wings on their own time. Healthy relationships are built around experience, dont thwart your children by pressuring them in to the next age bracket. You will be grateful for the chance to slow time just a little and watch your kiddos blossom in front of you. Its all about realistic expectations and letting your kids be who they really are.

2.  Love your children, but not too much.

Ayelet Waldman got a truckload of flack for announcing to the world that she loves her husband more than she loves her children. First, let me say that I think this is healthy and a positive approach to parenting. Second, who cares what the haters say? Loving your children is easy, providing a stable home life is a bit more difficult. Kids should be pretty high on your list of priorities, maybe even third, but you should come before them and so should your spouse. Happy homes breed happy children. If you aren’t happy, your kids wont be so find the one that does it for you and cleave to them. It makes the screaming, crying and inevitable meltdowns so much easier to take when you have someone on your side.

1. Be you. Get yours. 

Here’s a secret. Your husband misses the person he married. Your friends miss the fun loving girl who looked like she gave a damn and let’s face it, You miss You, Right?

The first step to being an AntiSoccermom is to remember who you actually are. Kids are great and can lend an incredible amount of depth to your lifestyle, but its important to retain some sense of personal pride in yourself. Do the things that made you feel great before having kids, and keep doing them after those little monsters come around and suck up all your free time. In finance they tell you to pay yourself first, in parenting, get yours before they get theirs. It may sound cruel, and I know it sounds selfish, but it isnt as bad as you think. Happy moms have happy kids.

 

What do you think? Are you an Antisoccermom?

 

© 2009, AntiSoccermom. All rights reserved to the original author unless stated otherwise.

I think we can all agree that no matter what gender you are, when it comes to your wedding day you want everything to be perfect. Men and women vary on how important a marriage ceremony is, but once you plunk down that large chunk of cash….. You have expectations that need to be met. I have watched enough Judge Judy to know that weddings are expensive, wrought with drama and generally exhausting. So when my best friend decided to have herself one, I was nervous. Fort collins has several beautiful hotels in the area, so it wasn’t difficult to go with the Ramada Inn on Mulberry and I-25 for the select reception venue. The price was modest, but seemed worth it since the catering would end up being quite a pretty penny. Like every wedding since the dawn of time, bullshit was just on the horizon. I went last night to pick up the hall and arrange the decorations with the bride and her family. We arrived and were greeted with indifference and shortly after meeting the staff I found out why. The bride’s father walked out of the kitchen with a shocked look on his face. He didn’t say much, he just simply asked that the bride and I go look for ourselves and decide what would be best to do.My bullshit-o-meter started going wild and I grabbed the camera I carry in my purse like any good wanna-be journalist would. What I saw in the kitchen was astonishing. I would equate this place to an episode of “Kitchen Nightmares” but it was so much worse than the horror stories I had seen on television. My mouth dropped open, only to be quickly shut in order to avoid contamination from whatever might be living in that kitchen. Cigarette butts adorned the counter tops by the hundreds. Discarded clothing and tables turned on end were littering the entire room, while the railings were caked in what could only be ten years of gunk. Weddings are so important and so short that one thing causing a wave can ruin the entire day. This wasn’t a wave, this was a TSUNAMI. The Ramada Inn of Fort Collins is the dirtiest place I have ever been to in my life, including the homeless shelters and crack houses I used to deliver food to with my church group. I have never in my life witnessed such a vagrant absolve to ignore health and safety codes. Not only would I REFUSE to have my wedding there, but I would sue the ever-loving pants off of the owner, the manager and every single employee that allowed this to happen. My poor sweet girlfriend just didn’t know what to do, bless her heart. She walked around the kitchen in shock for a few moments before I asked her to please let me handle it. My initial thought would be to take the manager by the ear lobe and show him what his mother obviously had forgotten to show him. I wanted to scream, and cry for the emotional distress the bride must have been feeling. I wanted to knock someone out. Calmly, and with much more respect than was deserved, I politely asked the people working to fix what they had done. Realistically there is no way I could ask that they make it right, there is no way to make it right 12 hours before the reception and with the food already being prepared. A COMPLETE refund is not only mandatory, but I believe that this family has every right to go after more money for the emotional toll it has taken on them. Finding out the night before the wedding that the chances of poisoning the guests at your wedding are astronomically high, isn’t easy to recover from.

So what did I do?

I gave them the opportunity to fix it. I asked them to please have the room sanitized and cleaned top to bottom before guests were to arrive in a few short hours. The reception was less than 16 hours away, and a change of venue that late would have been disastrous. The previously closed off room was suddenly the most important room in the entire hotel.

What did they do?

Nothing. They actually did nothing. The morning of the wedding we went over to check the place out. It was disgusting, it was putrid. The management team was rude and unapologetic. They lied to our face, insisting that the food wouldn’t travel through the room that time forgot, and instead would be traveling up an elevator. The elevator they were talking about? Broken, with tape over the doorway.  My best friend was about to have a wedding reception in the worst place I had ever seen. I sent a representative over to them and within four hours he had the place scrubbed top to bottom. He had the food placed into a room that was all the way across the venue to avoid contamination, He had the waitstaff jumping at the very twitch of my finger to get me whatever I needed to have to get through the reception. It was enough to make my stomach turn, but when the floors were bleached and the walls scrubbed to an almost acceptable level just moments before the guests arrived… we all had to breath. The floors were still wet when the party started, but it was bleach water this time instead of some mystery fluid that had built up over years of transients living in some back room. So that is why I am writing this. To give you, my loyal readers and friends a small glimpse into the story that I have sent to every newspaper, every radio station and news organization in the state of Colorado. The opportunity to make right the obviously attrocious kitchen was ignored up to the last few hours before the wedding. It was still disgusting, I still politely declined any food that came from the kitchen and urged my friends to do the same. The bridal party ended up feasting on subway sandwhiches and chocolate brought from home.

Would I encourage anyone to go to the Ramada? No. I simply would not. In fact, I will never stay at another Ramada in my life no matter what the price may fall to. Nothing is more important to me than the health and safety of my friends and family and nothing is further from the minds of the staff at the Ramada.

So let me hear it, Whats your worst experience with customer service?

© 2009, AntiSoccermom. All rights reserved to the original author unless stated otherwise.