Since the inception of this website Ive had increasing numbers of self-proclaimed AntiSoccermoms approach me with their stories. It is fantastic to meet like minded people and I would like to encourage you to tell your own story, if not on your own blog, than here on this one. Feel free to write me and let me know how you are being an AntiSoccermom.

 The 6 Steps to being an AntiSoccermom

6. Wear the badge of mommyhood with honor, ditch the mom-jeans. 

A combination of sleep deprivation and a lack of anything freedom-related led me to believe as a young mother it was okay to wear sweatpants to the store despite the breast-milk stains and baby puke. The ability to care for an ill-tempered tiny person overcame the ability to care for myself and I found that little would calm my tanking self-esteem like a good shopping spree and the occassional massage. Just because you are a mom, doesnt mean you have to look like one. Ditch the mom-jeans and spend a little time doing something you love. It makes you a happier, healthier and ultimately a more awesome mom.

5. Who Cares what they think?

If I had to choose to free climb Mt. Everest or spend half an hour with the moms from my kids PTA, I bet you can guess where I’d rather put my energy. Moms, especially in packs, can be an incredibley cruel and daunting experience to undertake and I avoid it at all costs. There is an ugly unspoken mob mentality between soccermoms and antisoccermoms, akin to the highschool cliques of cheerleader vs. drama geek. Much like highschool, the best thing to do is to ignore these condescending "super moms." They will sneer at everything from your choice of coffee to what your children are wearing, their homes are often spotless and their outfits spectacularly in style. They will have the latest hair styles and the nicest SUV’s but their husbands never make it to school functions and they are always flirting with the new PE teacher. Like Wyclef says, Dont believe the hype. There is no such thing as a perfect mom and you don’t have to try to be one. If you can’t shake off their negativity, do what I do and justify their perfection as a clear lack of sexual satisfaction in their lonely and desolate lives. It makes the drama easier to swallow, but Id still take that 8,850 meter trek through the icey wilderness.

4. Despite common practice, Let logic rule.

No one can see through bullshit faster than a pre-teen. Don’t believe me? Lie to a child and see how quickly they call you on it. Instead of sugar-coating this ugly world for your perfect little angel, why not introduce them to a little place called reality? They dont need to win every game of UNO to build their precious self-esteem, in fact, coddling them that way just results in an adult that no one can please. AntiSoccermoms raise their children with honesty. My kids know they get the real deal when they ask questions and because of that they aren’t standing with their little paws out waiting for their golden ticket in life. Be truthful with your kiddos, they know it when you aren’t.

3. So what if he’s acting like a child?

Everyone in the house takes turn acting like a two year old, even the two year old. Problem is, all kids want to grow up faster than they should. Why not allow them to actually retain their priceless sense of childhood wonderment? Embrace the mental age of your children and allow them to spread their little wings on their own time. Healthy relationships are built around experience, dont thwart your children by pressuring them in to the next age bracket. You will be grateful for the chance to slow time just a little and watch your kiddos blossom in front of you. Its all about realistic expectations and letting your kids be who they really are.

2.  Love your children, but not too much.

Ayelet Waldman got a truckload of flack for announcing to the world that she loves her husband more than she loves her children. First, let me say that I think this is healthy and a positive approach to parenting. Second, who cares what the haters say? Loving your children is easy, providing a stable home life is a bit more difficult. Kids should be pretty high on your list of priorities, maybe even third, but you should come before them and so should your spouse. Happy homes breed happy children. If you aren’t happy, your kids wont be so find the one that does it for you and cleave to them. It makes the screaming, crying and inevitable meltdowns so much easier to take when you have someone on your side.

1. Be you. Get yours. 

Here’s a secret. Your husband misses the person he married. Your friends miss the fun loving girl who looked like she gave a damn and let’s face it, You miss You, Right?

The first step to being an AntiSoccermom is to remember who you actually are. Kids are great and can lend an incredible amount of depth to your lifestyle, but its important to retain some sense of personal pride in yourself. Do the things that made you feel great before having kids, and keep doing them after those little monsters come around and suck up all your free time. In finance they tell you to pay yourself first, in parenting, get yours before they get theirs. It may sound cruel, and I know it sounds selfish, but it isnt as bad as you think. Happy moms have happy kids.

 

What do you think? Are you an Antisoccermom?

 

© 2009, AntiSoccermom. All rights reserved to the original author unless stated otherwise.

It happens to the best of us, we all get to that point where it is time to call a good thing off, no matter how long you thought it would last.There are many ways you can avoid ending the best thing that ever happened to you, but this is a list of the 10 quickest methods to ruining your relationship.

10.Bring up the past- Listen, its okay to want to be the best thing that ever happened to someone. Dissecting your past relationships isn’t going to help you acheive this goal. Everyone has their own life, B.Y. (before you) was probably a pretty grand time for them too,  let’s face it, you weren’t sitting around at home every friday through college, you were probably an exchange student over in Lesbianville for a couple of years yourself. Dont expect your partner to have a clean history either. Everyone has their respective motives, dont try to dissect their past decisions and insist that they stay out of yours. 9. Talk poorly about your spouse- Nothing kills intimacy more than bad-mouthing your SO in order to feel better. Sure they can be consumed with stupidity, and you just can’t stand the way they refuse to clean the toilet, but do not tell your friends that. When you talk about negative feelings, you are only going to invite those emotions to take over. Don’t say anything about your spouse that you wouldn’t want to let them overhear. If you need to get something off your chest, go to a therapist. Your friends are not reliable gauges on what the best road to take is, dont trust them to run your relationship or they will run it directly into the ground. Sail your own ship.

8. Threaten to leave- If you are married or simply living together the ultimate insult to your significant other is to tell them that you no longer wish to continue this ‘living in sin’ commitment. Threatening to move out, or doing something as silly as packing your bags when you aren’t really ready to walk out, can make your spouse feel slighted and even insecure. You are showing them that you think they are expendable, dont be surprised when they cheat because you are just as expendable as you have made them. You are breeding a very rocky relationship and people are starting to talk about how insane you are. This tactic is especially ineffective if you do it directly after said commitment. 7. Perfect the Double Standard- Men and women are different. I dont believe that I would go as far as to say we come from different planets, but we certainly do have a different way of looking at the world around us. Expecting a man to flourish under the rules designed by women, is ridiculous. Save the bitching for your girlfriends, put the seat down for yourself, and share the remote. Men and women both need to be a little more understanding about what we are putting each other through.

6. Hate your spouse’s friends- Unless there is some definitive proof that your spouse is schtupping their so called “bestest friend evar” you better shut up and relax. Friends are generally only around for a few months, perhaps a few years. If your spouse has a friend that has lasted longer than this, it is probably something worthwhile to both parties. If they just met a new friend, give it a few months and alot of time before jumping to conclusions. Wait it out. Eventually the bad ones will go away. When you start hating them, your one and only will start feeling the need to be more independent and prove that to you by rebelling against your rules. We may not be teenagers anymore, but we can certainly have our foot-stomping-hand-clenching-old-fashioned meltdowns. 5. Insist that it’s your way or the highway- Like I said, we aren’t teenagers anymore but we will rebell against unnecessarily restrictive guidelines. You can’t fight human nature. Rules were in fact made to be broken, and the more you lay down the law, the more likely that you will be spending nights away from that sweet smelling angel that eventually gave up and settled for your sorry ass. Where is the sense of compromise? Relationships are about building mutual trust and understanding through long term interaction. If you want to find that perfect soul mate you need to learn to be a little pliable with all those hard and fast rules.

4. Mesh Finances- Remember when I told you that most relationships were sacrificed up to the credit gods? Well, it is true. Nothing is more dangerous than taking your personal financial spending habits and expecting them to work in conjunction with someone elses personal financial spending habits. You come from two different backgrounds, from two different lifestyles. Unless you are brother and sister, you are probably going to have different expectations on where money needs to be saved and where it needs to be spent. Save yourself the heartache and the hassle and don’t get a joint account on anything. If you want to share money, you are probably the one that is making less in the relationship, also known as ‘the spender.’ Have your own bank account, most relationships don’t last, the sooner you accept this fact the better you will be when you need to fill out those financial affidavits. 3. Us vs. The world- I understand that you want to look like the most successful couple since Adam and Eve, but dont let your spouse push you into making stupid decisions. Love is blind, and can make you do some really dangerous things. Err on the side of caution and insist on a second opinion. Chances are that you have someone in your life that isnt sleeping with you at night and has been around for more than the amount of time you have been in this relationship. Ask your mom or dad when you are trying to make a decision, your spouse has different motives than just your financial well-being. After you ask mom and dad, ask someone else too. Sometimes the world really is too much to take on.

2. Nag nag nag- Nothing is sexy about nagging. If you don’t like how your spouse takes out the garbage, do it yourself. Nagging them about it will start with a very long night of arguing and end with a very early morning when you hear the garbage truck and realize that no one took the cans to the curb at all this week. Unless you like meeting your pickle-slice crusted garbage man at 5 am in your boxer shorts and tube socks, make your life a little easier and take a deep breath. Nagging gets you nowhere, try bribery. Men will do almost anything correctly when they think naked time is their reward and every girl wants to be given a special treat every once in a while. Only you have the power to make your relationship as pleasant as possible.

1.Get Married- Let’s face it, marriage blows. That’s why when it comes down to the nuts and bolts of things, I decided not to have a wedding and start off a good thing by spending all of our money up front. Marriages are for your family, so that you can declare your love in front of everyone. I get the symbolism and of course I can see why it is so important for some people to get all dressed up on that one day and take all those pictures that will eventually make their way into a box in the attic, or used in divorce court. It should be a financial decision, if you have an extra twenty grand laying around, have yourself a party. If you don’t, why are you making such a spectacle? Financial stress is the main killer of romance, why are we asking for such trouble? Now that you know the quickest way to end a relationship, I would like to know the worst way you have ever ended a romance.Send me a comment and let’s discuss!

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© 2009, AntiSoccermom. All rights reserved to the original author unless stated otherwise.