“Mommy, Weed!” His two year old mouth forms the words unexpectedly. I watch his frustrated hands ball into tiny two year old fists, he slows down just like he always does to make a point. “Mommy, weed” He says again, less frustration, more calm resolve to help me understand but his shocking words leave me breathless. My eyebrows are raised and I have an exasperated look of confusion on my face. As a medicinal Cannabis patient I have kept my medicine, like all medicines, out of the reach and view of my children, a feat I was positive I had conquered until I heard the word slip from his innocent mouth. Shocked, I look at his father, who is smiling and shrugging his shoulders. One of the hardest parts of being a chronically ill patient has been to keep the topic of marijuana away from my amazingly alert children. They pick up the accidental slip of a four letter word, without thinking twice. They repeat the stories I swore I never told in front of them, they remember things far longer than they should. While I usually see these traits as a positive development, I can also see where it may pose certain problems for our family.Such as this moment, when my child is screaming “WEED” at me in increasingly frustrated fury. His pleas get louder as I try to figure out what to do. Do I reprimand a two year old for talking about weed? Do I sit down and explain to him like I have to the older children, that medicine isnt a joke and that we need to keep it quiet? Do I talk openly, or keep quiet myself? I am sitting on the couch, overwhelmed with the little one’s new found freedom with the word. I am stunned silent, unsure of what to even say to the little guy. I tried so hard to keep him sheltered from the unnecessary burden of knowing about my medication. Had I failed as a parent? It is then that the little boy who shares my smile and his father’s perfect dimples, climbs in to my lap. He brings his favorite toy, a halloween book of puppies in costumes and puts his hand on my cheek. A simple trick to get me to look him in the eye, he reiterates. “Mommy, weed” “Read?” I say, a flood of relief pooling at the dam of my self doubt. He smiles and pushes the book into my hands. “Mommy Read” He says again, using those new found R sounds we’ve been working on. He grins his famous weasel grin, and we flip through the book for the millionth time this week. He squeals at the part where the puppy dresses like a princess, He makes buzzing noises for the bee page, He begs to read it again before we finish the first go round. Two years old and still as innocent as ever, this little guy has taught me more about being a parent than I could ever fathom understanding. Just when I think I have failed, he shows me that we are doing the best we can. It wasn’t the lesson I thought I’d be learning, but an important one nonetheless. Mommy, weed.

© 2009, AntiSoccermom. All rights reserved to the original author unless stated otherwise.

Underneath the loving exterior of overly-involved parents lies a world of abuse. While common methods of child abuse, such as neglect or hitting, manifest in physical and emotional symptoms there is a lesser known and far more sinister type of abuse that is rarely talked about. You will find no bruises or symptoms of inattention but children raised under hyper-vigilant “helicopter parents” are developing far behind their peer groups. The good intentions of an attentive parent can quickly turn into the destructive practice of overprotecting children, often to the point that they are left without the ability to adequately take care of themselves.   In the day and age where “stranger danger” has an icy grip on America’s parents, we find that the long term effects of monitoring each move our children make has but one common outcome- it leaves them woefully inept in adulthood. Dubbed “Helicopter Parenting” this particular type of maltreatment has parents who involve themselves in everything from the negotiation of their 4 year olds toy disputes to arguing over their grown children’s salaries, touching every aspect in between. According to Wikipedia this phenomena was named such to indicate the hovering  activity of a parent watching in paranoia every move the child makes and hovering closely nearby whether the child needs assistance or not. In a 1990 book entitled “Parenting with love and logic: Teaching Children Responsibility.” Jim Fay defined helicopter parenting as an ineffective parenting style that “leaves a child with little to no coping skills for the day to day rigors of modern life.”  While some may say that constant involvement in their children’s lives show diligence and love it also shows parental insecurity. Fifty years ago children were allowed to play in the streets and to explore the world around them, yet suddenly there seems to be a cumulative lack of trust for the community around us. This fear has led some to overprotect their children, thwarting their natural development and fostering an increase of anxiety and distrust. While some may call this action “Super Parenting” experts agree there is nothing super about it. Studies show that children raised with overly anxious adults, a common trait of helicopter parents, often grow up to suffer from such psychological issues as General Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Post Traumatic Stress, and Agoraphobia. Raising children to become strong and healthy adults should be our main goal, not to protect them from problems that arise, but to teach them to cope with the issues as they come. Experience gives us the ability to think on our feet, to cope with our surroundings and to act accordingly, while inexperience often leaves us confused and frightened. A healthy child will have as many experiences as possible before adulthood, in order to cope successfully with the trials of being an adult. A child left without the necessary life skills will find every aspect of life more difficult sometimes including the inability to foster healthy trusting relationships with people around them.  Additionally, children raised in an atmosphere of free-play often become more successful in business and relationships than their sheltered counterparts. Helicopter parents rarely let their children out of sight, so what happens when a child has a chance to be alone without direct supervision?  Just ask Izzy Skenazy, a 9 year old boy whose mother allowed him to ride the subway through New York City without the help of an adult.“I felt like I knew everything.” He says “Even though I only knew that one thing, I felt smart because I knew which street we lived on, and I got home all on my own.”  Cringe-worthy to most parents and appalling to some, leaving a nine year old alone to ride public transportation speaks volumes about what we deem acceptable parent behavior.  Many people scrutinized Lenore, little Izzy Skenazy’s mother, calling her the World’s Worst Mom. But Skenazy feels that parents worry too much about their children.. “We are not daredevils” She explains, “We believe in life jackets and helmets and air bags, but we also believe in independence. Children, like chickens, deserve a life outside of the cage. The overprotected life is stunting and stifling, not to mention boring for all concerned.” While it does not show on physical examinations helicopter parenting might just be more destructive to a child than other more recognized forms of abuse. Freedom is essential to the growth and advancement of our society, providing security to everyone involved within the community. Refusing children the opportunity to learn their own lessons leaves an otherwise healthy individual, crippled with fear of the unknown.

© 2009, AntiSoccermom. All rights reserved to the original author unless stated otherwise.