Since the inception of this website Ive had increasing numbers of self-proclaimed AntiSoccermoms approach me with their stories. It is fantastic to meet like minded people and I would like to encourage you to tell your own story, if not on your own blog, than here on this one. Feel free to write me and let me know how you are being an AntiSoccermom.

 The 6 Steps to being an AntiSoccermom

6. Wear the badge of mommyhood with honor, ditch the mom-jeans. 

A combination of sleep deprivation and a lack of anything freedom-related led me to believe as a young mother it was okay to wear sweatpants to the store despite the breast-milk stains and baby puke. The ability to care for an ill-tempered tiny person overcame the ability to care for myself and I found that little would calm my tanking self-esteem like a good shopping spree and the occassional massage. Just because you are a mom, doesnt mean you have to look like one. Ditch the mom-jeans and spend a little time doing something you love. It makes you a happier, healthier and ultimately a more awesome mom.

5. Who Cares what they think?

If I had to choose to free climb Mt. Everest or spend half an hour with the moms from my kids PTA, I bet you can guess where I’d rather put my energy. Moms, especially in packs, can be an incredibley cruel and daunting experience to undertake and I avoid it at all costs. There is an ugly unspoken mob mentality between soccermoms and antisoccermoms, akin to the highschool cliques of cheerleader vs. drama geek. Much like highschool, the best thing to do is to ignore these condescending "super moms." They will sneer at everything from your choice of coffee to what your children are wearing, their homes are often spotless and their outfits spectacularly in style. They will have the latest hair styles and the nicest SUV’s but their husbands never make it to school functions and they are always flirting with the new PE teacher. Like Wyclef says, Dont believe the hype. There is no such thing as a perfect mom and you don’t have to try to be one. If you can’t shake off their negativity, do what I do and justify their perfection as a clear lack of sexual satisfaction in their lonely and desolate lives. It makes the drama easier to swallow, but Id still take that 8,850 meter trek through the icey wilderness.

4. Despite common practice, Let logic rule.

No one can see through bullshit faster than a pre-teen. Don’t believe me? Lie to a child and see how quickly they call you on it. Instead of sugar-coating this ugly world for your perfect little angel, why not introduce them to a little place called reality? They dont need to win every game of UNO to build their precious self-esteem, in fact, coddling them that way just results in an adult that no one can please. AntiSoccermoms raise their children with honesty. My kids know they get the real deal when they ask questions and because of that they aren’t standing with their little paws out waiting for their golden ticket in life. Be truthful with your kiddos, they know it when you aren’t.

3. So what if he’s acting like a child?

Everyone in the house takes turn acting like a two year old, even the two year old. Problem is, all kids want to grow up faster than they should. Why not allow them to actually retain their priceless sense of childhood wonderment? Embrace the mental age of your children and allow them to spread their little wings on their own time. Healthy relationships are built around experience, dont thwart your children by pressuring them in to the next age bracket. You will be grateful for the chance to slow time just a little and watch your kiddos blossom in front of you. Its all about realistic expectations and letting your kids be who they really are.

2.  Love your children, but not too much.

Ayelet Waldman got a truckload of flack for announcing to the world that she loves her husband more than she loves her children. First, let me say that I think this is healthy and a positive approach to parenting. Second, who cares what the haters say? Loving your children is easy, providing a stable home life is a bit more difficult. Kids should be pretty high on your list of priorities, maybe even third, but you should come before them and so should your spouse. Happy homes breed happy children. If you aren’t happy, your kids wont be so find the one that does it for you and cleave to them. It makes the screaming, crying and inevitable meltdowns so much easier to take when you have someone on your side.

1. Be you. Get yours. 

Here’s a secret. Your husband misses the person he married. Your friends miss the fun loving girl who looked like she gave a damn and let’s face it, You miss You, Right?

The first step to being an AntiSoccermom is to remember who you actually are. Kids are great and can lend an incredible amount of depth to your lifestyle, but its important to retain some sense of personal pride in yourself. Do the things that made you feel great before having kids, and keep doing them after those little monsters come around and suck up all your free time. In finance they tell you to pay yourself first, in parenting, get yours before they get theirs. It may sound cruel, and I know it sounds selfish, but it isnt as bad as you think. Happy moms have happy kids.

 

What do you think? Are you an Antisoccermom?

 

© 2009, AntiSoccermom. All rights reserved to the original author unless stated otherwise.

I dont often come across another website and squeal in disgust, but I had to when I came to this one. A website devoted to showing pictures of what happens to the female form after rearing children, it aint pretty and I don’t advise visiting. I am a mother of three and an avid couch potato. I love being lazy and I will ever defend my theory that the smarter you are, the lazier you are able to become. Having said that, Let me tell you why I have a problem with this so called “Shape of a mother.” I can appreciate the morbid curiosity, I stare at car accidents, I gawk at pull-offs and I get my fair share of celebrity scandal in. I understand where the site is coming from, with the whole shock treatment but what I don’t understand is why. So you want to shock the world by claiming that you love your stretch marks and that the extra sag your butt has after birthing kidlets is just heaven, right? Stop lying to yourself. Children are beautiful, Pregnancy is beautiful, but stretchmarks and sagging skin are an ugly afterthought. There is a difference between loving something that is wrong with you, and accepting it. Stretch marks are damaged skin, from weight gain. They can appear almost anywhere on the body but are mainly found on the stomach and upper arms. Stretch marks are what happens when skin rebels against it’s vessel. This is not something to embrace, but something to treat and move forward from. Hooray for moms, dont get me wrong. But you can’t expect me or anyone else in the entire world to believe that you are actually happy about these, you cannot suggest that these are an improvement over what you had before. “I love having saddlebags, I never have to worry about fitting into that cheerleader getup again!” Yeah, embracing these flaws is just a simple way of saying that you do not care anymore.  Reading the site reviews, “I love my stretchmarks!!” is interesting, these women seem to really believe that stretchmarks are what makes the mother.  I am honestly sad that they need to live theirs lives this way. Accept yourself and don’t worry what everyone else thinks. Work hard and get rid of those pesky trouble spots and stop making excuses for why they are so great. The shape of a mother is not a stretch marked abdomen, the shape of a mother lies in the strength and size of her heart, the way she loves her family relentlessly, the way she continues to sneak vegetables into her children’s food, and love notes into her spouse’s briefcase.  The shape of a woman is the way she loves.*

Celebrate your children, not the havoc they reap on your body.

*Courtesy to You, My reader, has been shown by refusing to display damaged skin as a testament to how much we love our children. Feel free to visit “The Shape of a Mother” if you’d like to be disgusted.

© 2009, AntiSoccermom. All rights reserved to the original author unless stated otherwise.