Since the inception of this website Ive had increasing numbers of self-proclaimed AntiSoccermoms approach me with their stories. It is fantastic to meet like minded people and I would like to encourage you to tell your own story, if not on your own blog, than here on this one. Feel free to write me and let me know how you are being an AntiSoccermom.

 The 6 Steps to being an AntiSoccermom

6. Wear the badge of mommyhood with honor, ditch the mom-jeans. 

A combination of sleep deprivation and a lack of anything freedom-related led me to believe as a young mother it was okay to wear sweatpants to the store despite the breast-milk stains and baby puke. The ability to care for an ill-tempered tiny person overcame the ability to care for myself and I found that little would calm my tanking self-esteem like a good shopping spree and the occassional massage. Just because you are a mom, doesnt mean you have to look like one. Ditch the mom-jeans and spend a little time doing something you love. It makes you a happier, healthier and ultimately a more awesome mom.

5. Who Cares what they think?

If I had to choose to free climb Mt. Everest or spend half an hour with the moms from my kids PTA, I bet you can guess where I’d rather put my energy. Moms, especially in packs, can be an incredibley cruel and daunting experience to undertake and I avoid it at all costs. There is an ugly unspoken mob mentality between soccermoms and antisoccermoms, akin to the highschool cliques of cheerleader vs. drama geek. Much like highschool, the best thing to do is to ignore these condescending "super moms." They will sneer at everything from your choice of coffee to what your children are wearing, their homes are often spotless and their outfits spectacularly in style. They will have the latest hair styles and the nicest SUV’s but their husbands never make it to school functions and they are always flirting with the new PE teacher. Like Wyclef says, Dont believe the hype. There is no such thing as a perfect mom and you don’t have to try to be one. If you can’t shake off their negativity, do what I do and justify their perfection as a clear lack of sexual satisfaction in their lonely and desolate lives. It makes the drama easier to swallow, but Id still take that 8,850 meter trek through the icey wilderness.

4. Despite common practice, Let logic rule.

No one can see through bullshit faster than a pre-teen. Don’t believe me? Lie to a child and see how quickly they call you on it. Instead of sugar-coating this ugly world for your perfect little angel, why not introduce them to a little place called reality? They dont need to win every game of UNO to build their precious self-esteem, in fact, coddling them that way just results in an adult that no one can please. AntiSoccermoms raise their children with honesty. My kids know they get the real deal when they ask questions and because of that they aren’t standing with their little paws out waiting for their golden ticket in life. Be truthful with your kiddos, they know it when you aren’t.

3. So what if he’s acting like a child?

Everyone in the house takes turn acting like a two year old, even the two year old. Problem is, all kids want to grow up faster than they should. Why not allow them to actually retain their priceless sense of childhood wonderment? Embrace the mental age of your children and allow them to spread their little wings on their own time. Healthy relationships are built around experience, dont thwart your children by pressuring them in to the next age bracket. You will be grateful for the chance to slow time just a little and watch your kiddos blossom in front of you. Its all about realistic expectations and letting your kids be who they really are.

2.  Love your children, but not too much.

Ayelet Waldman got a truckload of flack for announcing to the world that she loves her husband more than she loves her children. First, let me say that I think this is healthy and a positive approach to parenting. Second, who cares what the haters say? Loving your children is easy, providing a stable home life is a bit more difficult. Kids should be pretty high on your list of priorities, maybe even third, but you should come before them and so should your spouse. Happy homes breed happy children. If you aren’t happy, your kids wont be so find the one that does it for you and cleave to them. It makes the screaming, crying and inevitable meltdowns so much easier to take when you have someone on your side.

1. Be you. Get yours. 

Here’s a secret. Your husband misses the person he married. Your friends miss the fun loving girl who looked like she gave a damn and let’s face it, You miss You, Right?

The first step to being an AntiSoccermom is to remember who you actually are. Kids are great and can lend an incredible amount of depth to your lifestyle, but its important to retain some sense of personal pride in yourself. Do the things that made you feel great before having kids, and keep doing them after those little monsters come around and suck up all your free time. In finance they tell you to pay yourself first, in parenting, get yours before they get theirs. It may sound cruel, and I know it sounds selfish, but it isnt as bad as you think. Happy moms have happy kids.

 

What do you think? Are you an Antisoccermom?

 

© 2009, AntiSoccermom. All rights reserved to the original author unless stated otherwise.

“Why doesn’t my step mom like you?” He asks me from the backseat. The question posed was so out of context that it startled me. Unfortunately this isn’t the first time nor anywhere near the last that my son will question the dynamic relationships in his life. I gulped down the desire to list a few thousand reasons why she would and should dislike me, but opted for the truth instead. “There are a lot of emotions that you have when you are an adult that you may not understand when you are a kid. Your step mom is good to you and good to your brother and that is all that matters to me.” I tell him, hoping that he will drop it. We have had such tension with my children’s other parents lately that I have had to squash the amount of contact with my children in order to protect them from unnecessary drama. I love being a mother more than anything in the world, I absolutely loath being an ex-wife. It comes with its own set of ridiculous crap. I am not very good at this, but I am trying. “I know why.” he matter-of-facts. “she says we just get dirty and hurt here.” He says, referring to the dirt on his hands and pants from the past three hours we spent playing around at the skate park. I reached into my purse and hand him a handi-wipe to tide him over until we get back to the house. It is true, my children get dirty and sometimes in the process they get hurt. Activities that involve movement and children generally pose some risk of a minor scrap, a bonked head or a ripped up pair of levis. This doesn’t deter me from being an active parent, and it doesn’t deter my children from loving every minute of it. My son is seven, but an ancient seven. He is a little sponge absorbing everything in his surroundings and taking it in to use later. This is great, in most cases not involving misplaced swear words. He is very aware of what is happening in his home, even if it goes unspoken. When baby daddy and I got into a disagreement over the toaster oven, This little genius calmly told us both that we may need to take a break from each other and take a nap. He was right, we did. I mull the words over in my head. Do I tell him that I think their other parents standards are somehow misaligned with my own? Would this solve anything? No, it would not. Do I explain to him that playing in the dirt will in fact get you dirty and that we do it anyway because it is fun and a bath is just the icing on the cake? Naw, defending myself or my parenting tactics is a moot point at this juncture. I think for a moment, before telling him that I love him. I remind him that our family is our family no matter what and that even if some people don’t get along, he is the most loved little boy I know of. I tell him that I want him to be comfortable and if he ever feels uncomfortable in my home that he is welcome to discuss it with me and we will fix it. I glance in the rear view as he is comfortably picking at the rocks between the sole of his shoe. He looks up and smiles at me. He is a child. He may be smart and aware and relatively logical when it comes to the people around him, but he is still just a kid. He is a boy from divorce with an affinity for inciting hot topic discussion when all I want to do is spend time with him and see him on his skateboard. So to answer the question he posed. Why does his step mom hate me? I am sure that I know why. I am sure that part of it is well deserved and I am certain that it doesn’t matter one bit to how we live, how we love, and who we are.

Whats the most frustrating part of being a parent for you?

© 2009, AntiSoccermom. All rights reserved to the original author unless stated otherwise.