Ingird Newkirks is nuts, certifiably nuts. The standing President of PETA has issued her Last will and Testament offering her body as an “example to animal abusers.” Why is PETA so crazy? Because Newkirk is running it. You can read the actual Will and Testament HERE, but I have abridged the crazier sections for you below. I believe that PETA is an organization that is horribley out of touch with reality, and I believe that they base their stunts and policies around violence and hate. The fact that they donated $1,500 to ELF is just an example of how they support violence, and even promote it. Elf is the largest and most active Terrorist group in America, by the way, funded by none other than this crazy nutbag. PETA’s has some good ideas about how to treat animals, sure, Dont wear fur, it isnt nice and we certainly have an alternative to butchering animals. Stop clubbing baby seals and stop turning gators into handbags. I get all that. What I am failing to understand, call me old fashioned, is how spreading around her remains in a gory and sadistic fashion is going to help this process. I appreciate the fact that she is trying to make a change, but doing so with her body parts is silly, and inappropriate. Besides, Who is going to be the one to cut her up, cook her, and then feed her to someone while dishing out a lecture on why meat is bad? Is it going to be you?

The Last Will and Testament of Ingrid Newkirk.

a. That the “meat” of my body, or a portion thereof, be used for a human barbecue, to remind the world that the meat of a corpse is all flesh, regardless of whether it comes from a human being or another animal, and that flesh foods are not needed.

I think this is condoning cannibilism, isnt it? I mean, what if this human barbecue is really great and I start craving it? I do like red meat.

b. That my skin, or a portion thereof, be removed and made into leather products, such as purses, to remind the world that human skin and the skin of other animals is the same and that neither is “fabric” nor needed.

Ingrid Newkirks newest fashion line, I get it. Good thing I don’t carry a purse.

c. my feet be removed and umbrella stands or other ornamentation be made from them, as a reminder of the depravity of killing innocent animals, such as elephants, in order that we might use their body parts for household items and decorations;

Get over yourself, feet are disgusting. Perhaps you could make a nice pair of slippers for a niece or something?

d.That one of my eyes be removed, mounted, and delivered to the administrator of the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency as a reminder that PETA will continue to be watching the agency until it stops poisoning and torturing animals.

Who are you asking to do this job? Can we gift wrap it, or perhaps have your eyeball shoot out of a Jack in the box?

e. That my pointing finger be delivered to Kenneth Feld, owner of Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus, or to a circus museum to stand as the “Greatest Accusation on Earth” on behalf of the countless elephants, lions, tigers, bears, and other animals who have been kidnapped from their families and removed from their homelands

I bet he makes a killing selling it on E-bay.

f. That my liver be vacuum-packed and shipped, in whole or in part, to France, to there be used in a public appeal to persuade shoppers not to support the vile practice of force-feeding geese and ducks for foie gras

Foie Gras (Duck liver, for those that don’t know) is disgusting. At least donate your liver to some poor college kid who will need it after finals.

g. That one of my ears be removed, mounted, and sent to the Canadian Parliament to assist them in hearing, for the first time perhaps, the screams of the seals, bears, raccoons, foxes, and minks bludgeoned, trapped, and sometimes skinned alive for their pelts.

I think you are confused about the functionality of Ears. They need to be attached to a head to be able to hear. Why not send them an audio-tape, or perhaps a youtube video?

h. That one of my thumbs be removed, mounted upwards on a plaque, and sent to the person or institution that, in the year of my death or thereabouts, PETA decides has done the most to promote alternatives to the use and abuse of animals in any area of their exploitation

Please video tape whoever is taking this to the plaque making place. I can only imagine the person’s face. Can we sent the other thumb to that Ebert guy? Then he could give THREE thumbs up, when he really enjoys a film.

i. That one of my thumbs be mounted in a downward position and sent to the person or institution that, in the year of my death or thereabouts, has gone against the changing tide of societal opinion and frightened and hurt animals in some egregious manner

Be more specific, there are alot of people that do alot of sick things to animals. And you don’t have that many thumbs.

j. That a little part of my heart be buried near the racetrack at Hockenheim, preferably near the Ferrari pits, where Michael Shumacher raced in and won the German Grand Prix I dont know what this is about, because it isn’t as freaking weird as the other things. Personally, I want to have my ashes turned into a diamond, rather than spend eternity mixed in with Horsepiss at the racetrack, but I don’t judge. You can’t judge a crazy person.

What do you think about Ingrid’s Will?

What do you want your family to do with your body when you die?

© 2009, AntiSoccermom. All rights reserved to the original author unless stated otherwise.

A long long time ago, in a far away land (california) I met a man who opened my eyes. This man was my (sort of) brother in law and he had gifted my (sort of) husband with a giant bathroom reader book. It was about two inches thick, had roughly 700 pages and was filled with an amazing array of pointless information that I have neither needed to know, nor used in the meantime. The fact that this book was filled with useless knowledge, made it that much more fun to read. The fact that my guy kept it in the bathroom made reading it on the toilet, the most convenient. This somehow changed my life forever. I admit, this trait has somewhat of a masculine stigma, but I have never been one to adhere to social norms. I not only approve, I have come up with five very solid reasons as to why reading in the bathroom just might be the best place in the house to read. 5. It is hard to get in a healthy dose of literature in these hectic drive-thru lifestyles. If you feel like you are missing out on some of the best books out there, why not head to the library and pick yourself up some reading material? Plus, if you eat drive thru (anything) you will likely be spending some time on the porceline throne. 4. AS sir Richard Steel said, “Reading is to the brain what exercise is to the body.” Keep your brain and your colon happy all in the same time span. Consider it a two-fer. 3. Reading is good for the brain because it is a complex activity. It involves sight, recognition, understanding, memory, hearing, speaking, and emotion. It is so complex that the more you read, the more your brain will develop. Look at your family tree, are the older people in your family losing their marbles? Sit down and enjoy a good book, while you still can. It may even stave off the dementia. 2. According to the University of Alabama- Your desktop has 400 MORE strains of bacteria than your toilet seat, and that isn’t even talking about your phone and keyboard. Wash your hands before and after you go to the bathroom. 1. Let’s face it, we don’t read as much as we should. Likely you are an adult (if you are reading this) and likely you are tasked with taking care of other people. For me, the bathroom is the one room in the house where I can lock the door and promise a slow and painful demise to anyone who comes near it while I am in there. True story. They stay away and I can get alot of good reading in. Hours even, if my hip bones don’t give out. There are your five, indisputable reasons why you too should read in the bathroom. I don’t care what you read in there, perhaps one day I will write my own bathroom reader, so when people tell me my work stinks, I can blame it on their bowel habits.

Do you read in the bathroom?

© 2009, AntiSoccermom. All rights reserved to the original author unless stated otherwise.