Fuck Yeah, Dad.
Posted by December | Posted in KIDS, MISC. | Posted on 12-11-2009
Tags: children, cursing, disgust, F word, funny, humor, KIDS, MISC., parenting, problem child, shock
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Children are like Taxes, it may not be something you want to pay for but it is better to handle the hard stuff now before you end up a criminal. There are ups and there are downs with every child, if you don’t realize that yet, please don’t have children. This is one story about my little downer.
It isn’t hard to understand when you have a real problem child on your hands. At 19 months this little fire ball can talk, walk and accurately toss food at you from across the room. He is sensitive and sweet, but only when his fangs aren’t showing. I like to think that this propensity towards violence has a purpose, perhaps he will grow up to be a hostage negotiator, since he understands the concepts so well.
When I was picking out this childs name, the third and final time I would ever go through the process, I wanted something strong and independent. A name fit for a little king. We chose Michael to honor his grandfather and to provide him with a grounded name and a solid personality. I wish I would have named him sally, I think he might have been a little easier to handle.
Yesterday the entire house was struck with a case of food poisoning. Lunch with grandpa included a buffet with less than cooked sausage, of which we all consumed. No one was feeling well yesterday so we spent our time laying around the house and taking turns moaning on the bathroom floor. Mike was exceptionally sweet and subdued, something he does every once in a while to make sure we still love him enough to not dress him in pink and stick him on someone else’s porch. He wasn’t feeling well, no one was, and he wasn’t quite sure how to tell us about it.
After a solid twelve hours of laying around the house and fighting over the giant bean bag, everyone was starting to feel better. It wasn’t until baby daddy turned to Michael and asked if he was feeling better. Michael stood atop the back of the couch like some ill intentioned spider man and proclaimed to the entire room for the first time:
“Fuck Yeah, dad.” A wide grin spreading across his beautiful little face as he steadied himself for the shock wave he was certain was coming.
My jaw drops to the floor. I snort in disbelief as I begin to reconstruct my brain into understanding that the tiny mouth that lovingly tells me such glowing sentiments like “wuv you” and “go bye bye?” had suddenly gotten around to using the F word.
You know my stance on cursing. Don’t do it unless you can do it right.
I glance to baby daddy who is staring wide eyed at the little boy who is the last in line to carry his name into the future, the hope of his namesake, the little king with a cursing problem.
Sigh.
‘What are we going to do?’ I mouth in his direction, silent exasperation for the situation. I shrug my shoulders in desperation. I throw my hands up in disgust as Michael crumbles in laughter and swan dives into the couch. His grace is always a little startling, perhaps I should have named him Grace.
Without skipping a beat, Baby Daddy turns to me and says
“I guess we have to homeschool this one.”
I agree.
© 2009, AntiSoccermom. All rights reserved to the original author unless stated otherwise.
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AntiSoccermom is an alternative parenting site for those of us that refuse to parent within the constraints of modern society. Covering everything from parenting to pot-politics, there is always something new to read. Check out AntiSoccermom's Radio show at JohnDoeRadio.com and catch up with her on facebook. 
LOL. The ending <3
Thanks for coming by Amber! Im glad this made you laugh.
Okay this was hilarious! Hope everyone is feeling better today!! Those are adorable photos of Michael.
Thanks for stopping by linds, We are feeling alot better. That is the great thing about food poisoning. Its frakking awful, but it doesnt last long. Im glad you enjoyed this.
Lol, hilarious =D
hahaha!! Oh no!! My boys just brought home the F-word from school. I was shocked. I didn’t even hear that word until I was around 11 I think.
Being the Queen of the “F” bomb, I have heard my darling mini me utter it on occasion. She is now fourteen and can use it with the best of them. That was too funny and I needed a good laugh.
Lol, Im terrified of girls. Thank god I have all boys. The F word from the mouths of babes. Thanks for letting me know that I am not alone!
nothing wrong with being emphatic about feeling well, eh? maybe he can tone it down to “hell, yeah dad” until he’s old enough to appreciate the f-word a little more, yeah?
I think the problem is that he is TOO comfortable with the F word. Not as bad as his cousin who goes around calling everyone F-ing stupid.
awww man. i love those pictures. beautiful!
silly cute story, too.
He is cute, and I think I might keep him. Maybe.
A boy named Sally. Hmm. And homeschooling him won’t hold a true wild child back. It only makes us stronger!
There is that, and there is also the little problem of if I homeschool him, that means I am the only one that is witness to his madness.
Send help.
Lol, despite this being bad, I can imagine your faces. But you can talk to your kid and somehow explain that he shouldn’t be using ‘em, I think>
Of course, Teach your children what is appropriate. Our general rule is that no one uses a curse word in public, and never in front of women or children.
Apparently our rule isnt working.
O_O!
You must know, my jaw dropped as well… and I was only reading it. Hahaha……………….. nice.
“Apparently our rule isnt working.” — oh, of course it is! Must be that damn TV–err… societal pressure… sinking into his head.
I hope to look forward to ::insert-foot-in-mouth:: moments such as this, years from now (after that whole, “finding a wife–establishing a career,” process takes place)
Keep in touch! — Matt
You know I will, matt. MWAH!
Yeah, homeschool him. I’ll even come and be the personal tutor, butler, escort…err, chauffer.
Oh damn O_O. [oops I just swore lol]. I have a WTF moment whenever I hear little kids talking about sex or swearing. Hell, when I was their age [omg I sound so old..] I thought people made babies by cuddling LOL.
Oh my. 19 months old and the F word? Sounds like my kind of kid. Or my nephew. His first word were g-d dammit. I was so proud.
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Haaha! Reminds me of the time my 3-year-old son reached his leg from his car seat, kicked his mother to try to get her to move over, and when she couldn’t move over, said to her “Bitch. C-C-Cunt!”
hahaha! Thats hilarious! I remember the first time I swore at my dad… I left the phone off the hook with my mom on the other line, then started fighting with him. I think I yelled “FUCK OFF PEICE OF SHIT” and then ran to save my little life. I was so terrified haha. Luckily my mother hung up the line before I screamed that at my dad. I didn’t even mean to say it, it just came out. You deffinatly pick up words from your parents!
I keep telling you to let me raise him!!!
I havent been back since this site just got started but i must say it is coming along very nicely. I’m happy to see your dream flourish. This was quite the hilarious story I must admit. That kid really is going to be a handful lol. Good luck with that and I anticipate more stories about his lovable antics.
You know how I feel about homeschooling…
If you need help, hit me and momma up. 
xo
oh gosh lol. he’s a cutie, can’t hold it against him
Well, at least he’ll be well suited for a career in Hollywood. Ah, he’s cute enough where it’s funny.
giggle
WIth my clan–all 6 of them–been there, done that. 2 weeks ago my 4 yr old comes stomping into the kitchen. She is yelling at her 6 yr old brother. I had a hard time understanding what she was mad about because she was breathlessly ranting. I said ” Rachael, WHAT is the matter? Why are you angry?” She wiped her hair from her face, sighed a sigh of total frustration and replied “Kelly makes me fucking mad!”
Like a good parent, I said “What?” ….
Ahaha. I’m actually kind of terrified that a little kid will pick up swearing from me, even though I kind of subconsciously drop the swearing (or tone it down) when children/elderly people are around… I swear too much for my own good. :]
my brother’s family has a creative way to curtail cursing. certain words cost the user 25 cents per utterance. this goes into a huge jug which will be donated to a pre-determined charity. this could be modified to cost a very young child tv time, a toy for a predetermined amt. of time, etc. it should first be explained that certain words are unacceptable in polite company. be firm & consistant with followthrough. parents also have to abide by this. guests are given a pass the first time, thereafter someone has to pay their fine. the language at his house is much more civil nowadays, and their charity stands to make some cash.