Talking myself out of murder.

Posted by December | Posted in KIDS, MISC. | Posted on 29-07-2009

Tags: antisoccermom, baby daddy, bottle, children, confinement, KIDS, mikey, MISC., mommy, toddlerhood, toddlers, weaning

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I am a very lucky woman, with three beautiful and healthy children who amaze me more every single day. I am also very lucky to have baby daddy, the man who decided to cash in his last paycheck and become a stay-at-home dad to the kids so that I could write this blog and he could do whatever he does when he isn’t doing that. I know that I am lucky, but that doesn’t make my life any less frustrating.

Baby Daddy, In the flesh.

Today upon waking up and realizing that it was a Monday morning, I panicked. Monday is the first day of every week where I am left to juggle baby and business without his helping hands,and this morning I find that my toddler son was already a crumpled heap of hysterics inside his crib. Baby daddy decided to take it upon himself to, without consultation with the mother/babysitter/SAINT, throw out every bottle in our home. Now I am writing this not as a rant, but more as a warning. A warning to any parent who makes a life-altering decision, without consulting the other parties involved. To take the bottle or to move the baby out of his crib or to suddenly stop feeding him cheerios for dinner, are all things that need quiet conversation between all the adults involved and nothing less is acceptable. My toddler was probably ready to lose his bottle as it was taken when Baby Daddy found a puddle of milk underneath the crib, Yes, he might have been ready, But I was not. My son, not yet two, would take a bottle only to lay down for his naptime and at night when he was drifting off to slumber. He has been an exceptional sleeper since his first birthday, when we introduced a box fan into his routine and the noise of our home was blacked out. He no longer felt like every nap time, as soon as he drifted away, we hosted an immaculate party with cake and streamers and clowns and we never once invited him. His fear of being left out of a good time shifted in to a comfortable affection for his mid day slumber and by the time he was one, slept well throughout the night and for several hours during the day. This is no longer the case. The terror and drama that occurred between this child and I cannot be adequately described without implicating one or both of us in at least one minor crime. It was such an interesting and terrifying day that I was compelled to place a  note on the casing of my doorbell. Simply threatening the health and safety of anyone willing to ring the doorbell after I had finally rocked my listless son to sleep, the first such happening since I quit breastfeeding almost a year ago. After an hour I realized that we made it through without either of us ripping out any hair and neither of us drinking anything but the bitterness of our battered pride.

Bottle 0

Mikey 1

and

Mommy -13

So I had a minor accomplishment, in that no one was harmed throughout the entire day, even if we did experience every emotion in the trainwreck station of toddlerhood. We live and we learn and really, Im the only one that is worse for the wear. He went to bed smiling sweetly and humming to the tune of his Baby Einstein cd. The question remains, What to do with Baby Daddy? Do I kill him for making this irreversible decision without me? Do I force him into solitary confinement with said toddler and come back in 12 hours when he has met the same frustrating fate as I have? Decisions.Decisions.

He is cooking dinner, I know that.

© 2009, AntiSoccermom. All rights reserved to the original author unless stated otherwise.

Related posts:

1. He will never let go of his anger.
2. The Parent Bubble.
3. Happy Mother’s Day, ASM style.
4. How To: 6 Steps to being an AntiSoccermom
5. Fuck Yeah, Dad.

36 Comments

• At 2009.07.29 09:41, GarrE said:

  If there is one thing I learned from the Simpsons, its that trying to take a baby’s bottle away is akin to quitting smoking cold turkey. Not pleasant.

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• At 2009.07.29 09:50, mustardcat said:

  Regarding the baby daddy, i’d go with the latter. There’s nothing better than some good old fashion pay back time.

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• At 2009.07.29 10:35, AEB said:

  I agree with M-Cat!

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• At 2009.07.29 10:38, Wendi said:

  That was just cruel. Even if it was time to take the bottle, it could have been done in a less traumatizing fashion (for you and the child). I think it deserves payback. Does Baby Daddy read magazines? Does he have a seemingly pointless routine or habit? Something that would cause him great pain to suddenly find it missing from his life? Hehehe…

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• At 2009.07.29 10:40, K8lyn said:

  the next time your child is going to have a big transition; potty training, start it but don’t tell the baby daddy, and make sure you’re outta the house. I think potty training might be fun; take all but one diaper outta the house…mikey might have a lot of baths that day, and you might have a frustrated baby daddy…good luck w/ all that

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• At 2009.07.29 10:49, Paige said:

  Some wars need not be fought. But saying that might start another sort of war

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• At 2009.07.29 10:50, Rogier van Vlissingen said:

  Well now, you’ve still got it!

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• At 2009.07.29 11:09, Kelby said:

  If anyone (and I do mean ANYONE) tried to take away my baby’s bottle, I do believe that I would go insane.

  And I would definitely lock him in a room with no bottle and he would make dinner =P

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• At 2009.07.29 11:24, RandomNeuralFirings said:

  My oldest niece is the same way. One Christmas we sent her to bed, but got up and came back downstairs because she was certain that the party was starting to really get good and we were keeping her out of it. Really we were also getting tired and doing nothing but talking.

  As for payback for the babydaddy, I’d go with the 12 hours with the toddler payback option.

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• At 2009.07.29 12:03, greekphysique said:

  I think juries usually let off moms easy for such crimes, ha. Wow…depriving a baby of its bottle is like depriving a senior citizen outside a casino of his cigar!

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• At 2009.07.29 12:06, one_eared_batman said:

  I always hated nap time.

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• At 2009.07.29 12:08, simba said:

  I don’t know enough about raising kids. I feel so unprepared.

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• At 2009.07.29 12:27, Dec. said:

  Well, make sure you dont have kids just yet!

  And just a little bit of info- NONE OF US KNOW WHAT WE ARE DOING!

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• At 2009.07.29 12:28, Dec. said:

  BATMAN!!! You must direct me to your facebook, Ive wanted to be facebooky friends for a while.

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  • At 2009.07.29 14:02, Simba said:

    I want to be Facebooky friends!

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• At 2009.07.29 12:28, Dec. said:

  I made him clean baby poop out of the bathtub drain, and order my favorite dinner, so I guess we are….even?

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• At 2009.07.29 12:28, Dec. said:

  THANKS! What do I have?

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• At 2009.07.29 12:29, Dec. said:

  you came out of google reader just for me? Im honored Paige, Thank you.

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• At 2009.07.29 12:30, Dec. said:

  I think this is the best idea, out of all of them. Id have to chop off his legs though because he would just walk to the store and buy diapers. He has this weird ability to remain completely calm in public even when the child has turned. Id like to see him shaken up, just once! So I know he is human.

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• At 2009.07.29 12:31, Amber said:

  I didn’t have this problem. My daughter dumped out he formula at 12 months so I just put the bottle up. She didn’t even care.

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• At 2009.07.29 12:41, gwacemom said:

  I can’t imagine killing would be enough for me if hubby took it upon himself to make such a life altering decision without my input. I think a day with baby daddy all alone would be the most sane solution, but no one has ever considered me sane.

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• At 2009.07.29 12:44, gwacemom said:

  Ugh, my comment got lost in cyberspace.

  Okay, trying once more. Death would not be enough if hubby made such a life altering decision without my input. Sane people would most likely give baby daddy a day with the child with no bottle so that he can have some of the fun. I have never been called sane, so we all know which way I would go.

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• At 2009.07.29 13:30, BabyDaddy said:

  I am very sorry for what I have done. I don’t think payback is the answer though. I’m sure there will be many long foot rubs to help her forget about the pain of that day. In my defense though, that was the second time that he’d dumped his bottle in his bed that day and that time he’d also taken his diaper off to show me who was boss.

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  • At 2009.07.29 13:36, Victoria said:

    Ha, your defense is a good one but alas not good enough. I’m a mom of three under the age of four. Trust me, you don’t do that without some warning at least.

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  • At 2009.07.29 13:42, Dec. said:

    Pretty Brace showing your face round here!!I’d like to cash in on one of those foot rubs, Post Haste.

    And I forgive you, since you cleaned up mikes shit out of the tub.

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• At 2009.07.29 13:47, Dec. said:

  BRAVE. Of course I fuck up a word responding to baby daddy’s first comment.

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• At 2009.07.29 14:00, nattata said:

  A good decision by the dad, just not an easy one.

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• At 2009.07.29 14:15, Fe said:

  Oh my goodness.. I don’t have kids, but with five nephews, I think I might have a small idea of how catastrophic that was.. Good luck!

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• At 2009.07.29 15:32, TA3650 said:

  Hahaha. This was enjoyable.

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• At 2009.07.29 15:36, Dec. said:

  Im going to leave the baby with him next week and come have lunch, WITH YOU!

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• At 2009.07.29 16:46, D said:

  Yeah, raising kids must take so much out of you. Much Respect

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• At 2009.07.29 18:56, W. said:

  poor kid–

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• At 2009.07.30 22:49, bhndthemask16 said:

  The family that I am babysitting for has a 20 month old son. They want to take him off his bottle, especially now that he bit the tip off it one night thanks to his sister urging him on with laughter. I am not looking forward to when that happens though haha. I am also not looking forward to when we take my nephew off of his bottle, he is 15 months right now. It’s gonna be a lot of fun I’m sure.

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• At 2009.08.15 22:56, Debt Settlement Help said:

  Great headline. If your cookie has a bite-sized action and your reader completes the action, I think two things happen. Their self-confidence goes up (which feels good) and their trust in you increases.

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  [Reply]
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  [Reply]