There they are surrounded by family and friends, surrounded by television cameras and MTV producers.  This day was special, if you couldn’t tell that by the fifty ad campaigns that the tabloids are blabbinb about it. Expect to run the course of several different emotions during this amazing time, this special day, this monumentous occasion. The police officers holding back the papparazzi in front of the church left everyone with a sense of relief. Thank goodness so many people are so interested in this wedding. This should be good for at least 3 maybe 4 spinoff shows. Spencer, the creepy flesh colored beard star of “The Hills”  weds his perfect mate, an air-headed blonde bimbo named Heidi. They commence their perfect union while she was wearing  a trashy version of Madonna’s like a virgin get up. Neither of them appear to know what a marriage entails, or what might happen the next morning.  For Spencer and Heide’s sake. Here is a list of the things that having a pretty wedding can’t change.

Things a wedding doesn’t change for Spencer and Heidi

You don’t have the luxury of changing your  mind. Your 15 minutes of fame lasted a little longer than we all thought it would, but its over. Marriage is final. This is your Curtain Call. Spencer’s beard will not suddenly grow fuller and more masculine. He will remain a rambling moron with anger management issues and an overextended sense of entitlement. Marriage is final, so long as you don’t believe in divorce. If you do, marriage is a quiet way to prolong the inevitable raping of your bank account. You will regret getting married on MTV, mark my words. Heidi will always be dense. It is difficult when you have neither book smarts, nor street smarts. Give the gal a break. Watching Sasha Baron Cohen sexually harass Eminem was far more entertaining than your wedding, far more entertaining than your reception, far more entertaining than your subsequent 3 “making of the speidi’s wedding” shows and FAR MORE entertaining than the entire run of “The Hills.” You don’t need to wear protection from the swine flu anymore, but you should protect yourself from contaminating the rest of the population from whatever it is that is so clearly eating your brain. DIAF. Nothing you ever say or do will amount to anything more than being a pair of media whores. I can’t wait to see what little monsters you two can create together, but for the childrens sake, please get yourself a British no-bullshit nanny or refrain from having sex until both of your vaginas can be sterilized. Marriage is about commitment, honesty, trust, and finding the ability to love your partner despite their flaws. You have quite an uphill battle to climb, to overcome those gigantic obstacles. You may think that tipping off the paps by telling them where you are going to be has solidified your fame and relevancy, but let me invite you to the inside joke. When you see people laughing, its because everyone hates you. I shouldnt say everyone. Im sure alot of people really like what you do and that you can’t do anything else with your life but sit on MTV “reality” shows. Of course, the people that like you are probably 13. And retarded. but who am I to judge?

What would you like to say to the happy couple?

© 2009, AntiSoccermom. All rights reserved to the original author unless stated otherwise.

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