How many times has your husband or boyfriend just dropped off the map and started irritating you? Not doing things for you, not paying attention, shaky and bad communication, forgetful of “important” dates and times, and simply is driving you up a wall? Allow me to explain two concepts that are not revolutionary, but seem to be a paradigm shift about how to view men when you put them into practice. First, remember the adage of “actions speak louder than words”? That’s been hardwired into men’s brains. It’s remarkably simple. Men are action heroes. Men don’t process meaning the same way women do. Men think in actions. They think in how something operates and what something does (your sister’s wedding, a low gas tank, a whining dog). Take weddings for example. Rarely will you find a man who’s equally excited about going to a wedding as you are (well, unless it’s open bar, but that’s another story). For women, it’s the beauty of the ceremony, the planning, the declaration of “forever,” the white dress, having all your family and friends surrounding you to witness how much you love each other. All of this is “meaning.” It’s about “forever” and “the dress” and “ceremony.” All of these things make sense to women, intrinsically, because we see all of these things as a manifestation of “love.” Love makes sense to men, because it’s a series of actions. Weddings just don’t make the same level of sense to men as they do to women. Sure, men are excited to have you as a wife, because that actually has actions related to the word and concept. Wives make you dinner, have regular sex with you, laugh at your jokes and don’t mind when you fart under the covers (too much anyway) and your husband probably really enjoys the way you crinkle your nose. But weddings do what, just exactly? Cost lots of money (even when you do them on the cheap), can cause drama between good friends, are very stressful, make you buy an expensive dress you’ll wear once, and put pressure on men to express themselves verbally, which we all know can be tough at times. If on an action basis, men don’t understand weddings, then how can we as women still get what we want? It’s simple – ask. “This wedding will make me so happy, and you can give it to me. You can make me happy by supporting this wedding.” Then go on to explain WHAT that support looks like. Actions, ladies, explaining things in actions to men makes communicating with them so much easier. On the flip side of this, how many times have your girlfriends said: “He said he would call, why hasn’t he called?! I’m so upset!” First – stop letting your happiness depend so heavily on someone else, you sound needy. Secondly, listen to his actions. Clearly, he didn’t have as much fun on the date as you did. His actions are saying “Thanks but no thanks.” His actions are telling you it wasn’t what you thought it was. Now, you two go out, he say’s he’ll call day after tomorrow, and he does, look at the actions. He planned it. He followed through. His actions are telling you that he’s interested. Two weeks from now, if he’s the one calling you and texting you, I’d be willing to bet large amounts of money that he’s even more interested. Men don’t follow rabbit trails, and are not afraid of being called a jerk when they don’t want to invest any more. Really? If women would simply look at the actions of the men in their lives, they’d stop bitching about how inconsistent and disrespectful men are. Interpret actions, not words. If their words and their actions don’t align, go with their actions. Their actions never lie. Words are fickle and are fleeting – but actions? Irreversible. Like I said earlier, men are action heroes. Actions make sense to them. Weddings may not, but going for the purpose of making you happy really and truly does. Now, women, stop your complaining about how he never compliments you any more, and appreciate the fact that your man just filled up your gas tank – his actions are screaming that he really does care.

This post was guest written by Levanna, a good friend of the ASM.com network and a traditional blogger. Her use of common sense is anything but common and her incredible life skills make for straight forward blogging with an interesting twist. She is real, she is fun, and this bitch can make the worlds absolute BEST cookies. Here at antisoccermom.com we are very proud to call her friend. You can visit Levanna’s online blog at www.xanga.com/Levanna but if you stop in to say hello, make sure to encourage her to come blog on asm.com as a weekly contributor. We promise it isn’t just for the cookies.

© 2009, AntiSoccermom. All rights reserved to the original author unless stated otherwise.

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